Loss of words

I haven't written on my blog for nearly 6 - 7 weeks. For the month of December I actually lived with my mom and Mick in Idaho and worked out of their house as mom's health was deteriorating.

I am so blessed to be able to spend time with her before she passed. She passed. She's gone. I'm at a loss of words. Of course, I was sad during December and as she passed and of course at her funeral, but I found myself not allowing myself to really be sad as I wanted to be strong for Mick, my brother, my daughter, my husband, my mom's best friends....etc..... it was hard.

Well this weekend (the first full weekend we've been home) I was able to just relax a little (as I've been enormously stressed out) and guess what....the flood gates opened.

It started as Lonny and I were on a date out. We saw the movie "Life was we Know It" which was a good movie but made me cry. Then afterwards we went to a quaint bar (The Tap Room) and as I was half way though my first beer I just started to cry. I tried so hard to stop it but it was virtually impossible. Good thing I wasn't loud!

Lonny's been great just holding me and being there for me. To be honest, I'm glad I'm going through this as I know it's part of the grieving process.

It still sucks though that I can't call my mom to chat. That just pisses me off. But I'm happy she's now cancer free.